Bisto-tanned Californicating sex-chimp Eva Longoria throws a mucky look at the Daily Express' one remaining reader as the rag briefly explains the vagaries of the new video iPod.

Desperate Housewives, you see, is one of the first progs that'll be available for the gadget-crazy iPunter now it's hitting the shops, for a cool £299 for the swanky 60 gigabyte model, say the Express and Daily Mail.

Apple guru Steve Jobs open-neck-shirtedly evangelises in the Sexpress that the video iPod "will quickly become the most popular portable video player in history".

The Daily Star, naturally, sees the latest technological leaps as a fabulous opportunity for bonk-tastic saucy fun on the move between consenting geeks.

There's a version of the famous Lovers' Guide, you see, available on the latest 3G phones and the Star jumps at the chance for sizzling fun, saying "phone sex clips will help lovers".

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