If you didn't catch last week's column, let me give you a quick summary of what you can expect while reading today. My name is Nick Wallander and I hail from the lowly town of Whitewater, WI. There isn't much to do here which means I have a lot of time on my hands to sit on the internet and read up on the latest news in television and cinema. Often when I read these stories I can't help but come up with blunt and definitive opinions on them. This column is where you can find these thoughts put to words. Sometimes we'll agree. Sometimes you'll hate me for saying something. At the end of the day I just ask that you at least respect the honesty.

There were a handful of stories that interested me this week. Unfortunately there were even more stories that would be of no interest to you. So, let's start off with some of the things making waves on the net this week.

There are a lot of people on web forums all up in arms over this "shocking" announcement. Apparently Scarlett Johansson was the shoe-in favorite to get this spot. Now, I am not sure what some people are complaining about here. It isn't that big of a deal. At the end of the day we all win because the winner will undoubtedly have a sexy pictorial in the next issue. Besides, if we really want to argue about this, I will remind you of a couple of names that should be on the list: Rachel McAdams and Katherine Heigl. Oh and that chick from the RGX body spray commercials. Am I the only one who sees those commercials and gets a little fluttery when she talks to the camera?

This is where I take a moment and let the collective masses piss and moan. Now you can all take a chill pill for a minute and take note that this is just a rumor at this point. Let's be honest, folks. X3 was not that bad off a movie. Maybe it didn't meet anyone's expectations, but you all went to see it anyways. Hell, a hole crap ton of people saw the damn thing. A movie that makes over 200 million dollars can't be as crappy as people claim it is (unless it is "Titanic"). The "Rush Hour" movies may not have been epic, but they were a good time. So, I have an idea for you all. Stop expecting every movie to be the holy grail of cinema. Just enjoy a movie for what it is every once in a while.

According to reports from a Tuesday conference call, Warwick claims that Sanjaya is still around because "He's a good-looking kid, and young girls love good-looking kids". He even went on to have the audacity to say that Sanjaya communicates well to the audience and that it is helping him earn votes. What? Is this man full of shit? Is it some ploy to convince internet schemers to stop manipulating the vote? I can understand that the producers of "Idol" don't want to encourage ballot stuffing, but he could have found a better way of stating this. If anything the fans of "Idol" are learning that their vote does indeed matter. It is too bad that America doesn't think this way about the presidential elections.

I'm not gonna lie here. Sanjaya sure isn't one of the good finalists. He might suck to some extent, but right now I can't help but be compelled to keep voting for that son of a bitch. The producers of "Idol" may very well be up to something with all this. Despite the backlash for Sanjaya being alive in the contest, it sure isn't keeping people from watching. The longer Sanjaya sticks around, the better it is for the ratings. People will be dying to see him eliminated.

At least that is what the LA Times is claiming. Entertainmentwise.com also reported that the studio is hanging on to some key pieces of the set, "just in case". We can't really say that this is a good move for the franchise until we get to see "At World's End". If Disney decides to go ahead and make more PotC movies, who is going to tell them otherwise? They are in business to make money and even a crappy fourth movie will do that for them. If Johnny Depp and the rest of the cast are confident that their characters and their stories won't grow stale then so be it. It is no secret that I am a fan of this franchise and I don't want to see it tank. Most serious fans will be skeptical, but like I mentioned earlier about the Wolverine spin-off, we'll all still go see it. The best prediction for this franchise is that we will all be salivating for the sequel once Memorial Day weekend rolls around.

The story is all over entertainment sites on the net right now and they all indicate that this little love romp on tape involves Conrad's ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler. I am going to go right ahead and bring up the big question that most of you are asking. Who the hell is Lauren Conrad?

There is a short list of some names mentioned to replace the man who whooped Happy Gilmore's ass. These possible replacements include weather man Dave Price, George Hamilton, Mario Lopez, John O'Hurley, and "Game Show Marathon" host Todd Newton. So, what do you all think? Yeah, it sure looks like a real spectacular bunch of guys right there (please note the sarcasm). Not one of those guys really oozes even an ounce of charisma. Let's examine a few of these misfits.

Basically they should avoid all the has-beens and sort-of-stars all together. Cast some young no-name that can spend the next 35 years winning us over like Bob did. As long as it isn't a Ryan Seacrest clone we should all be in good hands.

The one thing on "Lost" that defies the most logic has got to be the fact that nobody has just upped and killed John Locke yet. Did you catch the way he talked to Kate earlier in this week's episode? Who is he to judge her for keeping secrets and not being up front? John Locke is the most selfish man on that island and has no place to be talking about anybody else's morality. Wasn't he the one keeping the hatch a big secret from everyone? Didn't he lie about Boone's injuries? Hell, he was willing to sacrifice poor Boone to the island. The man also murdered the Russian in cold blood a few weeks ago. My point is that John Locke is a steaming pile of lying crap. The man would be perfect for Ben. They could have a cute little family of liars. I wouldn't be surprised if next week finds them circle jerking together over the "power of the island".

Sayid only had like a minute on screen tonight, but once again he proved to be the one thinking with his head. Although my intuition tells me that Juliet isn't one of the baddies, I totally agree with Sayid's questioning of Jack's decision. They have no reason to trust Juliet. Lucky for us that next week looks to be another hint of badass Sayid looking for answers.

…Wrestlemania 23. Now I understand this is nothing to be ashamed of on this site, but in general its something that gets you looked at funny in general. Well, to be frank with you here, I will have to go ahead and say that I was heavily disappointed in this year's installment of Wrestlemania. I know a lot of fans liked it, but I won't be one that boasts about how great it was or even watching it in the first place. I may have wasted a good portion of four hours, which is absurd. There is no reason they have to give out a bunch of filler fluff when you put down $50 to watch the damn show. We are paying you, so we don't need to see commercials. My only high points were seeing Ken Kennedy abuse a little person in an extreme way and seeing John Cena get booed at a second consecutive Wrestlemania. Way to make this guy the franchise!

Last week I prompted an important question. When going to a movie on a date or with a significant other, is it really worth your money to miss the movie to make out? Well, apparently nobody out there had an opinion on the matter. It is either that or nobody is reading this column in the first place. I'd like to think that isn't the case because if it is so then I wasted a whole lot of my time.

One of my little secrets is that I graduated with a Bachelors Degree in Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater. The bigger secret is that I am doing jack shit with said degree. So, I figured that I might as well act like I learned something and put that "knowledge" to use. So, every week I will play psycho-analyst with one of my friends or another 411 staff member. Think ink blots, but with celebrities and movie/television news.

: She's in a downward spiral, needs rehab, blah blah blah. Hearing Lindsey Lohan got into another drunken spectacle isn't the most shocking thing in the world. In fact, it's the least shocking thing in the world. Right next to discovering the Tooth Fairy doesn't actually exist.

I have no issue with movie sequels, providing they're excellent in quality, like The Land Before Time 16. But this nonsense with Hills Have Eyes 2, Wrong Turn 2, and The Grudge 2 is just plain stupid.

If Jim and Pam don't get together soon I'm going to have a meltdown. And honest to god meltdown. I'd date either one! Is it sad when TV characters sometimes have better personalities than people you know in real life? That's sad, right? Thought so.

All I know so far is that The Killers are going to be on it. That's all I need to know. You could tell me that if I buy the CD I'd get a squished dog turd enclosed in the packaging and when I open it it'll fall out and ruin my new jeans and I wouldn't care. It's gonna be that good!

Someone wasn't getting the idea about this being word association, not short answer. We are dealing with a defiant personality. I wouldn't be surprised to see our friend Jarmos breaking Lyndsay Lohan out of rehab someday and then spending a weekend in Vegas with her.

This could be a healthy outlet for the id in all of us. Who doesn't mind getting their jollies vicariously through trashy people on television. Seriously though, this season of the "Real World" has been off the wall. I am thinking that the cast members basically need real therapy for themselves. Oh, Colie and Jen are dirty sluts too.

There we have it folks. Those are the inner most thoughts from a man on the edge of sanity. Next week we'll have a whole new slate of topics and a brand new subject.

I no longer have any clue what is going on with "Lost". Like anyone else I sure had my theories. Some of mine involved conspiracy, telekinetic powers, and all of that jazz. Lately though it seems like the show has managed to debunk all of my good ones. I really want to know what all of you think. Please email me your ideas and next week I will compile the best of the best. It doesn't matter how far fetched or crazy your idea is. I want to hear it. Bonus points go to anyone whose theory involves Locke being a total douche-bag..

So, I lied. Last week I mentioned that you could expect a DVD review. The truth is that I haven't even watched a DVD all week. Send me the hate mail, now people. I know there was a group of you out there just aching for me to do a retro-review of "Spice World". I apologize for not giving you that because it probably would have been Pulitzer Prize winning shit. All sarcasm aside, I did however want to make note of a movie I did see this weekend. That movie would be "Blades of Glory". The site has had a few reviews up about it, so I won't get into that. Will Arnett and Nick Swardson are worth the price of the ticket alone. If you like a little homoerotic humor, this is the movie for you.

It is my goal to make this an interactive and reader driven weekly column. I appreciate your input and ideas. I encourage you to email links to movie/tv news that you would like to see me discuss. Heck, if there is something you don't ever want to see discussed, go right ahead and email me that.

Before we finish here I would like to give a shout out to my friend Don in Pennsylvania. Don is unfortunately fighting off leukemia right now and I wanted to wish him the best. He is a good man and from what I hear he is putting up one hell of a fight. To be honest, I owe Don a debt of gratitude because if it wasn't for him I might not even be writing this today. Don gave me my start in writing on the internet by letting me be a part of his online wrestling e-federation. It was my first real venture into creative writing and a truly amazing experience. I ask anybody reading this to put Don and anyone fighting cancer in their thoughts whenever you get a chance. If you can throw some change into a donation jar for cancer research or take part in one of the charity walks, I encourage you to do so. Who knows what science can accomplish if we all lend a hand just a little bit.

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