The sooner you pay attention to your relationship, the better the chance of making it last, says Robert Littlefield, family psychologist and marital therapist in Dallas.

"The wait time between a person developing a medical symptom and calling a physician is seven days. The wait time between a couple developing a marital problem and calling a psychologist is seven years," Littlefield said. "By the time we see couples, the problems are frequently intractable."

"The success of the sexual relationship, like the success of the overall relationship, is all based on making sure the other person's needs are as important as or more important than your own," said Gerald Melchiode, author of Beyond Viagra: A Commonsense Guide to Building a Healthy Sexual Relationship for Both Men and Women and a professor at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.

"It's not a matter of what you think the other person needs, but to listen to what the other person says," he said. "Don't try to cut your partner off and tell him or her what he or she is or isn't feeling. And the other person has to have enough trust to tell."

Increasingly, Littlefield reports, the most common problems he sees are "disorders of desire," in which one or both partners express a lack of interest. In these situations, it's advisable to see a psychiatrist, psychologist or marriage or couples therapist.

Often, partners use addictions to avoid feelings and manage pain, he notes. These problems are treatable with a combination of therapy and 12-step groups.

"But who likes to go to a psychologist who specializes in sexual issues?" he asks. "By the time most patients come into my office to talk, I know they're either courageous or desperate."

This is based on the game we all know. You cozy up together with some soft music, sexy lighting and take turns telling the truth or taking a dare.

This may sound a bit silly, but it's a sexy game if you're in a playful mood. One of you has to correctly guess what the other is miming and pay a forfeit if you get it wrong. For example, if he doesn't guess correctly, he has to remove an item of clothing or perform a sex act that pleases only you.

You both think of three sexual things you've always wanted to try and then write them down on separate pieces of paper. These are folded, marked with your initials to identify them and mixed up. You then take turns to draw out one of the other's wishes, agreeing in advance to at least give it a try.

Poker's all the rage these days. Now make it spicy. The loser bares all and the winner sees all. No cheating — make sure you both know the rules. Once one of you has stripped completely, the lovemaking begins with the winner choosing the position.

One of you knocks on the door and pretends to be a visitor with a purpose, such as a police officer looking for a criminal or a plumber wanting to fix a leak. Once inside, you start flirting and getting suggestive. The policeman might say he needs to test his handcuffs.

•The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists — Find a local sex therapist or counselor on aasect.org.

Solution: Reassurance and rescheduling. The partner who is not in the mood needs to be reassured that this is OK. Make a date for sex that involves time off from work or sitters for the kids.

Example: A partner doesn't want to be touched by the other, such as a wife who worked as her husband's secretary after putting him through law school. In counseling, she reveals that she hoped to pursue her interests after he earned his degree.

Example: After a heart attack, a man is told he can resume sexual relations. His wife tries to take charge of his health, reminding him of his mother.

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