My wife is turning 40, soon. Recently, she has become much more open to trying new things. I used to suggest things, but she would not be interested. Now, she is keen to try any number of new things! Is this normal for a woman of her age? I've heard this is an age where women want to experiment, and, in her case, this is certainly true.

Be careful what you wish for! You sound a little taken aback. Perhaps you're so used to her rejecting your advances that it's a bit of a shock to have to follow through. Do you really fear she's abnormal, or are you so thrilled, you want to brag? Whatever your true feelings, relax and enjoy your love life. A woman often gets a rush of libido and heightened desire in her mid to late 30s. When her partner is a trusted playmate, it can be the start of something wonderful.

A number of factors contribute to this phenomenon. By this age, most women have grown in self-confidence, and know themselves more fully. If she's had children, the early years are usually over. She is less tired, and has more time for herself.

This can be a time when she takes stock, and has a yearning to express herself. She wants to recapture something of the person she was when young and single. She wants to regain her individuality, to reassure herself she is still sexually attractive. She wants to see herself as an autonomous sexual being.

This new drive can be very powerful. I have a hunch about the biological basis for this. A woman's fertility drops rapidly after the mid 30s. As her reproductive window of opportunity closes, it's as if mother nature creates a burst of desire, and a strong need to be sexual, possibly in order to utilise those last eggs. This might be nonsense, but it's certainly true that this phase can be followed by a decline in desire in the late 40s and early 50s, with the onset of menopause.

How you react to the "new" her can affect your sex life into old age. Some men freak out at first. She might be losing weight, buying sassier clothes, getting her hair changed, taking up a course or class. She may flirt with other men or get a close male friend.

If you try to clip her wings, fearing that she's looking for an affair, you are more likely to push her in that direction. Instead, do what you are doing. Go with her. Revel in her new spirit of adventure. Prove to her that you are the right partner for her new stage of life. Show her that you trust her, and that you embrace her confidence. You are entering a time of life when you can reap some of the rewards for your hard work. You've built a life together, and a home. You've stood together through the tough times. You've been there when life was a bit dull, or busy, or cash-strapped.

Significantly, you are still intimate. You have respected her boundaries, and yet you've also let her know that you're keen to keep exploring with her. You have allowed her to be herself.

This can be a time when you develop an enriched private life. You can become partners in crime, as it were. You share a secret life that others would never suspect. You can giggle and whisper secrets to each other. Your delicious secrets are both arousing and bonding. As you talk and explore, you will enjoy growing and experimenting together. The only rules are to be safe, and to only try things that you both find pleasurable. Bon voyage!

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