QUESTION: I'm a 43-year-old professional woman who is in the process of separating from my husband of 12 years. We have two kids. After I decided to divorce him but before we had started to act on it, I realized a strong attraction to a co-worker, which is mutual. We have not acted on it, other than occasional smoldering glances and kissing twice when we found ourselves alone in the building. I would really like to become involved with him once I am separated from my husband. I know all the reasons for not doing this, but please don't try to talk me out of it. My question is, how should I do this with the least possibility of damage to my reputation at the office? He was not the cause of my divorce, but people may think so if I show up in public with him. Any advice on how to time this or anything else?

STEVE: I have only a few basic rules regarding romance. One is never date anyone who has more problems than you do. Another is, never date anyone you work with. Not only will everyone assume he broke up your marriage, but what happens if your relationship with him fails? You'll still have to see him every day. Now both your work life and social life are ruined. But since you won't be talked out of it, I'd suggest being as discreet as possible. Try to keep your contact at work strictly professional. No more kissing in the hallways.

MIA: I second that emotion. Your marriage is done. Do you want your professional life to fall apart? While I'm not doubting your attraction, this sounds like a rebound - someone who makes you feel sexy and alive post-breakup. He probably won't become the next big thing. Do yourself a favor and find a rebound boyfriend somewhere else.

QUESTION: I read your advice column often and I was hoping for guidance. At the beginning of this year, I had what I thought was a one-night stand with a flight attendant. Since then it has turned into more than that. She has come to Philly for work, and we have seen each other four or five times. For a while I was thinking it was just the great sex that was igniting my feelings. But I find myself having stronger feelings now. How can I differentiate between sexual feelings and "real emotions"? There is one other aspect that may be driving me crazy: I am white and she is black, and I have always craved being with a black woman. It was more explosive than I ever imagined, and now black women are the only women I want sexually. Is this normal? How can I get my feelings together?

MIA: Of course having sexual feelings for an attractive woman is normal. And whether the woman is short, tall, fat, thin, black or white isn't the issue. The key for you is to determine whether this is a potential partner or just a hook-up. I suggest you spend more time with her out of bed. Spend a couple weekends together. Cook dinner, walk in the park, go to the movies - you'll figure out whether she's the real thing.

STEVE: You worry too much. Enjoy the moment. Time will tell you if you are falling in love or not. Meanwhile, you're having a great time. There are plenty of men who'd like to be in your shoes.

QUESTION: I have called my 18-year-old daughter at college several times late in the evening and she hasn't been in her dorm room. So one time I tested her and called at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 6 a.m. and she was never there. I assume she was at a boyfriend's house. Should I call her on it?

MIA: Uh, no. There's a reason your daughter's an adult and not living at home. Yes, I understand there's a good chance you're still supporting her financially, but you have let her grow up. Be sure your daughter knows the basics of safe sex and leave it at that.

STEVE: In terms of influencing a child's behavior, once he or she is off to college, it's over. Now's the time to just have faith that some of your wisdom stuck with her.

Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, PA 19101.

This is cache, read story here